got a cavity filled today
and i took it so hard like
i feel dumb even writing that
like its not that big of a deal
but it just really
hurt my feelings it just
makes me so mad and makes me
hate myself and its like
im pretty much over it now but
it just sparked
so many feelings
it brought up so many old vibrations that
i don’t even feel equipped to deal
with that i dont want to address
that i dont know how to address
that i’m mad they exist.
that i’m mad they’re still there
like you think you dealt with them
but you know you never have
probably never will but you
tell yourself you’re over it or maybe your subconscious
tells you that or your ego
and now its like i barely care anymore
but i still feel like shit
oh well life goes on i
can move on i can just turn my attention somewhere else i can
just shift the attnetion just
chosoe not to
let it stick to me
because its not me its noever me
never its just an old version of
my body but its not me
it
can never affect me because i am
infinite i am ot a
not a body so for that reason ic an let
it go and move on
and
so gratefulhat
that with space
its easy for m
to move on
it brings up a lot
of shame it brings up a lot of
insecurity
and i’m grateful for the
lense
i’m grateful to see that
to see that is
what is inside
to know that is in ther e
and allow it to
express itself i feel the
shame of growing up poor
i feel it i feel it i feel
the shame i allow the shame
even though i didn’t take care of my teeth
i still love and appreciate myself
the way i am
even though i grew up poor
i still love and appreciate myself
for who i am
feeling better instantly
after starting this
and writing hlep s
helps me so much
just by saying the feelings
brsingin
bringing awareness to them
it helps tehm
them pass
it helps me separate from the emotions
from the shame
i am not the shame
the shame is just an idea
the insecurity is just an idea
and when i say
it brought up insecurities
that id idn’t
i didn’t know were still there
it means i am aware of the insecurities
and that i not AM the insecurities
which means they exist outside of me
which means they aren’t me
and that awareness
is so much for
more valuable
and effective
than suppression
or
band aids like alcohol or dugs or
drugs or good
food
and i can feel compassion for myself
i can
i can love myself
i can laov
love myself i am allowed to love
myself to be okay with myself
i’m allowed to be ok with myself
how i am
i’m allowed
to love myself to look for reasons
to love to love me
and to know
that i am lovable that i am valuable
and only i can find that within me
maybe that’s the key to it
maybe i dont think i deserve firends
friends
maybe i think i’m unfriendable
unlovable
unget-to-know-able
not compassionate
not understanding
not worthy of friendship
not deserving
too stuck up too stuck in my ways
too
many criteria
i guess for myself
this writing just really helps
it helps me become aware
it helps me let go
it helps me remember who i am
it helps me em
me move on to now that
no matter what i don
don’t have to dwell
and i can choose to let go
of those insecurities
to feel secure in myself
in the events of my life
to feel secure now.
feeling so much better
and grateful to have that energy
move through me
grateful to move through it
to be aware of the vibration
i know i know
its deeper its
a self worth thing
i know it all comes back to self worth
and its an important
lesson that i’m grateful for that
i’m so grateful for
whenever i dont want to take
care of myself
its because i’m not
worthing myself
ive decided i’m not worth it
and that’s a thought pattern to be aware of
to chosoe worth
i choose worth
and i’m so grateful for the
clues that hlep
help me see that i’m so grateful
for self awareness
awareness of the self
but also
awareness as the self
embodying the true self, and then becoming aware of all
that is not the self
the pain is not the self
the thoughts the
insecurities
are not the self
the self is the one who watches
the one is the one who is aware